Discovery in Disappearance

Wow, it has been quite some time since I posted anything on my site. I would apologize for the lack of posts but, I am not one who will post simply for the sake of posting. So, here I am, sweeping away the dust that has collected, getting rid of the cobwebs that have gathered in order to deliver a new post. 

Firstly, I’ll start off by saying a very Happy New Year to all. I hope that the end of 2017 was a good one for all and I hope that the New Year has been off to a good start. I am currently still working on my story for the Twisted 3 collection which I had mentioned in a previous post. The due date for the collection has been moved to 12 February 2018 and, even though I have finished off the story I began to write for this collection when I learned that the submission date had been pushed forward, I decided to write a new version of the original story, which is completely different and, I feel, a lot better and more suited for what they will be looking for in that collection. The original, though good, lacked something. What that ‘something’ was, I’m not too sure but, I am quite pleased with how this second version has come out. 

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With that being said, I may post the original version of my tale to Wattpad and then, if the alternative story is not accepted for the collection, post that too or, I may just wait and see what happens with the story and just post the alternative version to my Wattpad page if it is not accepted. 

Secondly, there is another Anthology call I may be writing for, granted I can conjure up an idea for it. It is due in May of this year and it sounds quite interesting. But, that all depends on whether or not I can think of something to write for that particular theme. So, that is a potential project for this year. I am also hoping to prepare a little better this year for NaNoWriMo. I would like to participate in that again this year as I thoroughly enjoyed my first time doing the challenge last year and doing it for my second year would be fantastic. 

Now, on a more personal note, and the reason for this post actually. The beginning of the year has brought with it potential changes, not to me directly but, they do affect me greatly. The changes are needed in order to move forward and to grow. At first, I did not see it that way. I was bitter and angry, but most of all, I was scared. Good things were coming my husband’s way, yet for me, there was nothing but silence in the great big world that is job hunting. I was angry and hurt and my self-doubt, oh boy, was my self-doubt having a field day. The things that went racing through my mind – and still do, just not as loud – they only pushed me further down the black hole. He was happy about this, I wasn’t. I knew it would be better for us, that at least one of us would have job security again, not wondering if tomorrow may be the last time we actually go to work (because we both work at the same company), but I just couldn’t see that, or wouldn’t see it that way. All I saw was him getting everything and me stuck and not moving forward. 

So, I came home and lost myself in music and piecing together pictures on an editing app to create a desktop for my laptop. I was in a dark mood and, what better way to express a dark mood than through Lovecraft imagery. The end result was this: 

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It took me a while to get it the way I wanted it to look but, it helped to soothe the darkness in me, to make me happy. That and the company of my cats. I showed this to my husband and his words were: 

You should study Graphic Design. 

And just like that, my spiraling, chaotic-self fell back into place only this time, there came with it, a piece of the puzzle to myself that had always been missing… What did I really want to do with my life. What is it that I actually wanted to do for a living. 

The one thing that so many around me already had figured out, I finally found.

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Just like that, the darkness I’d been surrounded by, ebbed away and I found the light again in my life. I’d been swept off the path, swallowed by bitterness and fear and self-doubt. But, thanks to my husband, I found my way back with a renewed excitement and, finally, I could be happy for him and I could see just how his potential new venture in life would be good for us. It took disappearing into the darkness and the words of a loved one for me to finally discover what I really want out of life, what it was that I would be passionate about doing and man, does it feel wonderful to have a renewed sense of excitement for the future.  

Don’t get me wrong, I still love writing. I write nearly every day. It may not be stories that are posted on Wattpad, it may not be a novel that could potentially be a best-seller, but I still write and it’s writing I enjoy doing. I have come to the realization that, unfortunately, I do not live, breathe and eat writing and, in order to make it as a writer, that is something that you need to do. That, at least, is my view on it. But, I do have a passion for making layouts for Twitter and Facebook. I love downloading images and piecing them together to see what I can create from them. I can get lost in that, spend hours doing that. And, from this new found passion, I’ve also discovered that I want to learn to draw and, also, do web development. So, I’m starting off small. A few online courses to get a bit of groundwork done and then, in the very near future, I will study to get my qualification in Graphic Design and after that, one in Web Development. And embark on a new venture to work as a Graphic Designer or a Web Developer, or both. 

What about writing? 

That will always be something I will love to do and I will continue to do that. Perhaps, one day, I will write a novel that will make it as a Best-Seller. That would be an absolutely wonderful dream to have come true. 

But for now, I am just absolutely thrilled to be working on my future and finally knowing exactly what it is I want to do. It is the best feeling in the whole world. 

And I owe it to my best friend in the whole world…

My husband. 

 

 

 

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